Mail Room

Who's the boss?

2010-07-18T08:15:00.001-07:00

The boss was concerned that his employees weren’t giving him enough respect, so he tried an old fashioned method of persuasion. He brought in a sign that said “I’m the Boss” and taped it to his door.

After lunch, he noticed someone had taped another note under his.

The note read: “Your wife called. She wants her sign back!”

15 Brilliant Uses for Toothpaste

2010-07-11T08:17:00.000-07:00

15 Brilliant Uses for Toothpaste

Toothpaste: it whitens, brightens, deodorizes, removes stains, and restores and protects enamel. But toothpaste's cleaning capabilities work wonders on many things besides our teeth. The same ingredients that help polish our pearly whites
can also soothe some common ailments, make household items sparkle, and even get rid of stains and pungent smells. Try out these fifteen tricks with a white, non-gel toothpaste (unless otherwise noted), and watch that cavity-fighting, breath-freshening tube of wonder work its magic.

1. Relieve irritation from bug bites, sores, and blisters: These skin irritations all tend to weep and, in the case of bug bites, often itch. Apply a drop of toothpaste to a bug bite or insect sting to stop the itching and decrease any swelling. When applied to sores or blisters, it dries them up, thus allowing the wound to heal faster. It's best when used overnight.

2. Soothe a stinging burn: For minor burns that donot involve an open wound, toothpaste can deliver temporary cooling relief. Apply it delicately to the affected area immediately after a burn develops; it temporarily relieves the sting and prevents the wound from weeping or opening.

3. Decrease the size of a facial blemish: Want to speed up the healing of a zit? Apply a tiny dot of toothpaste to the affected area at night before bed. Wash it off in the morning.

4. Clean up your fingernails: Our teeth are made of enamel, and toothpaste is good for them, so it stands to reason that toothpaste would also be good for our fingernails. For cleaner, shinier, and stronger nails, simply scrub the underneath and tops of fingernails with a toothbrush and toothpaste.

5. Keep hair in place: Gel toothpastes contain the same water-soluble polymers that many hair gels are made of. If you are looking to style and hold an extreme hair creation, try gel toothpaste as your go-to product if you are out of regular hair gel. (This is also a great trick for making baby barrettes stay in place.)

6. Scrub away stinky smells: Garlic, fish, onion, and other pungent foods can permeate the skin cells on our hands. Scrubbing hands and fingertips briefly with toothpaste removes all traces of smelly odors.

7. Remove stains: Toothpaste can make tough stains on both clothing and carpets disappear. For clothes, apply toothpaste directly to the stain and rub briskly until the spot is gone, then wash as usual. (Note that using a whitening toothpaste on colors can sometimes bleach the fabric.) For carpet stains, apply toothpaste to the stain and scrub it with an abrasive brush, then rinse immediately.

8. Spruce up dirty shoes: This tactic works great on running shoes or scuffed-up leather shoes. As with carpet stains, apply toothpaste directly to the dirty or scuffed area, then scrub with a brush and wipe clean.

9. Remove crayon stains on painted walls: Rub a damp cloth with toothpaste gently on the marked-up wall and watch the Crayola marks disappear.

10. Make silver jewelry and other silver pieces sparkle: Rub toothpaste onto jewelry and leave overnight. Wipe clean with a soft cloth in the morning. Make diamonds shine by giving them a gentle scrub using a toothbrush, toothpaste, and a little water. Rinse thoroughly to remove all traces of toothpaste. Do not use this method on pearls, as it will damage their finish.

11. Remove scratches on DVDs and CDs. This remedy has been used with mixed success rates, but it seems to work fairly well on shallow scratches and smudges. Apply a thin coating of toothpaste to the disc and rub gently, then rinse clean.

12. Tidy up piano keys before tickling them: Piano keys retain oil from the skin, which then attracts dust and dirt. Clean away grime gently with a damp, lint-free cloth and toothpaste; after rubbing in the toothpaste, wipe the keys clean with a second lint-free cloth.

13. Deodorize baby bottles: If baby bottles develop a sour-milk smell, a good cleaning with some toothpaste and a bottle scrubber will clean away residue and deodorize. Always make sure to rinse well.

14. Remove the burned crust on irons: For those of you who still use an iron, you may find that after time, the plate of the iron develops a burned crust. The silica in toothpaste gently grinds away this rusty-looking layer.

15. Defog goggles: Scuba divers, swimmers, and triathletes may already know about this handy little trick: Rub a small spot of toothpaste into each lens of your goggles, then rinse thoroughly, and voila! There'll be no need to ever buy expensive defogger gels again. Avoid rubbing too vigorously, though, as the abrasive ingredients in toothpaste could scratch the lenses.

__._,_.___

The Glasses

2010-07-04T13:09:00.001-07:00

A great story of perhaps unintentional and impacting kindness…

Mother’s father worked as a carpenter. On this particular day, he was building some crates for the clothes his church was sending to some orphanage in China. On his way home, he reached into his shirt pocket to find his glasses, but they were gone. When he mentally replayed his earlier actions, he realized what happened; the glasses had slipped out of his pocket unnoticed and fallen into one of the crates, which he had nailed shut. His brand new glasses were heading for China!

The Great Depression was at it’s height and Grandpa had six children. He had spent $20 for those glasses that very morning. He was upset by the thought of having to buy another pair. “It’s not fair,” he told God as he drove home in frustration. “I’ve been very faithful in giving of my time and money to your work, and now this.”

Several months later, the director of the orphanage was on furlough in the United States. He wanted to visit all the churches that supported him in China, so he came to speak one Sunday at my grandfather’s small church in Chicago. The missionary began by thanking the people for their faithfulness in supporting

the orphanage. “But most of all,” he said, “I must thank you for the glasses you sent last year. You see, the Communists had just swept through the orphanage, destroying everything, including my glasses. I was desperate. Even if I had the money, there was simply no way of replacing those glasses.

Along with not being able to see well, I experienced headaches every day, so my coworkers and I weremuch in prayer about this. Then your crates arrived. When my staff removed the covers, they found a pair of glasses lying on top.

The missionary paused long enough to let his words sink in. Then, still gripped with the wonder of it all, he continued: “Folks, when I tried on the glasses, it was as though they had been custom-made just for me! I want to thank you for being a part of that.”

The people listened, happy for the miraculous glasses. But the missionary surely must have confused their church with another, they thought. There were no glasses on their list of items to be sent overseas.

But sitting quietly in the back, with tears streaming down his face, an ordinary carpenter realized the Master Carpenter had used him in an extraordinary way.

The Wallet

2010-06-24T13:17:00.000-07:00

The Wallet

As I walked home one freezing day, I stumbled on a wallet someone had lost in the street. I picked it up and looked inside to find some identification so I could call the owner. But the wallet contained only three dollars and a crumpled letter that looked as if it had been in there for years.

The envelope was worn and the only thing that was legible on it was the return address. I started to open the letter, hoping to find some clue. Then I saw the dateline–1924. The letter had been written almost sixty years ago.

It was written in a beautiful feminine handwriting on powder blue stationery with a little flower in the left-hand corner. It was a “Dear John” letter that told the recipient, whose name appeared to be Michael, that the writer could not see him any more because her mother forbade it. Even so, she wrote that she would always love him. It was signed, Hannah.

It was a beautiful letter, but there was no way except for the name Michael, that the owner could be identified. Maybe if I called information, the operator could find a phone listing for the address on the envelope.

“Operator,” I began, “this is an unusual request. I’m trying to find the owner of a wallet that I found. Is there anyway you can tell me if there is a phone number for an address that was on an envelope in the wallet?”

She suggested I speak with her supervisor, who hesitated for a moment then said, “Well, there is a phone listing at that address, but I can’t give you the number.” She said, as a courtesy, she would call that number, explain my story and would ask them if they wanted her to connect me. I waited a few minutes and then she was back on the line. “I have a party who will speak with you.”

I asked the woman on the other end of the line if she knew anyone by the name of Hannah. She gasped, “Oh! We bought this house from a family who had a daughter named Hannah. But that was 30 years ago!”

“Would you know where that family could be located now?” I asked.

“I remember that Hannah had to place her mother in a nursing home some years ago,” the woman said. “Maybe if you got in touch with them they might be able to track down the daughter.”

She gave me the name of the nursing home and I called the number. They told me the old lady had passed away some years ago but they did have a phone number for where they thought the daughter might be living. I thanked them and phoned. The woman who answered explained that Hannah herself was now living in a nursing home.

This whole thing was stupid, I thought to myself. Why was I making such a big deal over finding the owner of a wallet that had only three dollars and a letter that was almost 60 years old?

Nevertheless, I called the nursing home in which Hannah was supposed to be living and the man who answered the phone told me, “Yes, Hannah is staying with us. ”

Even though it was already 10 p.m., I asked if I could come by to see her. “Well,” he said hesitatingly, “if you want to take a chance, she might be in the day room watching television.”

I thanked him and drove over to the nursing home. The night nurse and a guard greeted me at the door. We went up to the third floor of the large building. In the day room, the nurse introduced me to Hannah.

She was a sweet, silver-haired old timer with a warm smile and a twinkle in her eye. I told her about finding the wallet and showed her the letter. The second she saw the powder blue envelope with that little flower on the left, she took a deep breath and said, “Young man, this letter was the last contact I ever had with Michael.”

She looked away for a moment deep in thought and then said Softly, “I loved him very much. But I was only 16 at the time and my mother felt I was too young. Oh, he was so handsome. He looked like Sean Connery, the actor.”

“Yes,” she continued. “Michael Goldstein was a wonderful person. If you should find him, tell him I think of him often. And,” she hesitated for a moment, almost biting her lip, “tell him I still love him. You know,” she said smiling as tears began to well up in her eyes, “I never did marry. I guess no one ever matched up to Michael…”

I thanked Hannah and said goodbye. I took the elevator to the first floor and as I stood by the door, the guard there asked, “Was the old lady able to help you?”

I told him she had given me a lead. “At least I have a last name. But I think I’ll let it go for a while. I spent almost the whole day trying to find the owner of this wallet.”

I had taken out the wallet, which was a simple brown leather case with red lacing on the side. When the guard saw it, he said, “Hey, wait a minute! That’s Mr. Goldstein’s wallet. I’d know it anywhere with that bright red lacing. He’s always losing that wallet. I must have found it in the halls at least three times.”

“Who’s Mr. Goldstein?” I asked as my hand began to shake.

“He’s one of the old timers on the 8th floor. That’s Mike Goldstein’s wallet for sure. He must have lost it on one of his walks.” I thanked the guard and quickly ran back to the nurse’s office. I told her what the guard had said. We went back to the elevator and got on. I prayed that Mr. Goldstein would be up.

On the eighth floor, the floor nurse said, “I think he’s still in the day room. He likes to read at night. He’s a darling old man.”

We went to the only room that had any lights on and there was a man reading a book. The nurse went over to him and asked if he had lost his wallet. Mr. Goldstein looked up with surprise, put his hand in his back pocket and said, “Oh, it is missing!”

“This kind gentleman found a wallet and we wondered if it could be yours?”

I handed Mr. Goldstein the wallet and the second he saw it, he smiled with relief and said, “Yes, that’s it! It must have dropped out of my pocket this afternoon. I want to give you a reward.”

“No, thank you,” I said. “But I have to tell you something. I read the letter in the hope of finding out who owned the wallet.”

The smile on his face suddenly disappeared. “You read that letter?”

“Not only did I read it, I think I know where Hannah is.”

He suddenly grew pale. “Hannah? You know where she is? How is she? Is she still as pretty as she was? Please, please tell me,” he begged.

“She’s fine…just as pretty as when you knew her.” I said softly.

The old man smiled with anticipation and asked, “Could you tell me where she is? I want to call her tomorrow.” He grabbed my hand and said, “You know something, mister, I was so in love with that girl that when that letter came, my life literally ended. I never married. I guess I’ve always loved her.”

“Mr. Goldstein,” I said, “Come with me.”

We took the elevator down to the third floor. The hallways were darkened and only one or two little night-lights lit our way to the day room where Hannah was sitting alone watching the television. The nurse walked over to her.

“Hannah,” she said softly, pointing to Michael, who was waiting with me in the doorway. “Do you know this man?”

She adjusted her glasses, looked for a moment, but didn’t say a word.

Michael said softly, almost in a whisper, “Hannah, it’s Michael. Do you remember me?”

She gasped, “Michael! I don’t believe it! Michael! It’s you! My Michael!”

He walked slowly towards her and they embraced. The nurse and I left with tears streaming down our faces.

“See,” I said. “See how the Good Lord works! If it’s meant to be, it will be.”

About three weeks later I got a call at my office from the nursing home. “Can you break away on Sunday to attend a wedding? Michael and Hannah are going to tie the knot!”

It was a beautiful wedding with all the people at the nursing home dressed up to join in the celebration. Hannah wore a light beige dress and looked beautiful. Michael wore a dark blue suit and stood tall.

They made me their best man. The hospital gave them their own room and if you ever wanted to see a 76-year-old bride and a 79-year-old groom acting like two teenagers, you had to see this couple.

A perfect ending for a love affair that had lasted nearly 60 years.

Death

2010-04-25T04:33:00.000-07:00

This really is the most beautiful explanation of

death I've ever read. It doesn't matter who your

master may be.

~DEATH~
WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO EXPLAIN IT ..

A sick man turned to his doctor as he was preparing to

Leave the examination room and said,

'Doctor, I am afraid to die.

Tell me what lies on the other side.'

Very quietly, the doctor said, 'I don't know.'

'You don't know? You're, a Christian man,

and don't know what's on the other side?'

The doctor was holding the handle of the door;

On the other side came a sound of scratching and whining,

And as he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room

And leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.

Turning to the patient, the doctor said,

'Did you notice my dog?

He's never been in this room before.

He didn't know what was inside.

He knew nothing except that his master was here,

And when the door opened, he sprang in without fear.

I know little of what is on the other side of death,

But I do know one thing...

I know my Master is there and that is enough.'

Forwarded by bayi

Health Advice

2010-04-24T05:26:00.000-07:00

D RINK WATER ON EMPTY STOMACH

It is popular in Japan today to drink water immediately after waking up every morning. Furthermore, scientific tests have proven its value.. We publish below a description of use of water for our readers. For old and serious diseases as well as modern illnesses the water treatment had been found successful by a Japanese medical society as a 100% cure for the following diseases:
Headache, body ache, heart system, arthritis, fast heart beat, epilepsy, excess fatness, bronchitis asthma, TB, meningitis, kidney and urine diseases, vomiting, gastritis, diarrhea, piles, diabetes, constipation, all eye diseases, womb, cancer and menstrual disorders, ear nose and throat diseases.

METHOD OF TREATMENT
1.. As you wake up in the morning before brushing teeth, drink 4 x 160ml glasses of water
2.. Brush and clean the mouth but do not eat or drink anything for 45 minute
3. After 45 minutes you may eat and drink as normal.
4. After 15 minutes of breakfast, lunch and dinner do not eat or drink anything for 2 hours
5. Those who are old or sick and are unable to drink 4 glasses of water at the beginning may commence by taking little water and gradually increase it to 4 glasses per day.
6. The above method of treatment will cure diseases of the sick and others can enjoy a healthy life.

The following list gives the number of days of treatment required to cure/control/reduce main diseases:

1.. High Blood Pressure (30 days)

2. Gastric (10 days)

3. Diabetes (30 days)

4. Constipation (10 days)

5. Cancer (180 days)

6. TB (90 days)

7. Arthritis patients should follow the above treatment only for 3 days in the 1st week, and from 2nd week onwards – daily..

This treatment method has no side effects, however at the commencement of treatment you may have to urinate a few times.

It is better if we continue this and make this procedure as a routine work in our life.. Drink Water and Stay healthy and Active.

This makes sense ... The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals ..not cold water... Maybe it is time we adopt their drinking habit while eating!!! Nothing to lose, everything to gain...

For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you.
It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. H owever, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion.

Once this "sludge" reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food... It will line the intestine.
Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.

A serious note about heart attacks:

· Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting,

· Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line.

· You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack.

· Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms.

· 60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up..

· Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep.. Let's be careful and be aware.. The more we know, the better chance we could survive....

A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this mail sends it to everyone they know, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life...

2010-04-22T04:58:00.000-07:00

GENTS REMEMBER, LADIES FIRST!!!

To all those men who never open the door for your lady!
To all those men who walk in front of your lady, instead of beside her!
To all those men who enter a room leaving your lady to follow you!
To all those men who take the window seat in the bus! and in an aeroplane!
May this be a lesson to many!
golden rule : Ladies First
Send to all men and women

forwarded by bayi.

A Refresher course

2010-03-24T05:40:00.000-07:00

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for

Blood plasma.

*********************************

No piece of paper can be folded in half

more than seven (7) times. Oh go ahead...I'll wait...

*******************************

Donkeys kill more people annually

than plane crashes or shark attacks. (So, watch your Ass )

*****************************

You burn more calories sleeping

than you do watching television.

*****************************

Oak trees do not produce acorns

until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.

****************************

The first product to have a bar code

was Wrigley's gum.

*******************************

The King of Hearts is the only king

WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE

*****************************

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987

by eliminating one (1) olive

from each salad served in first-class.

******************************

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

(Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you!)

(That women are going the 'right' direction...?)

*****************************

Apples, not caffeine,

are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

*****************************

Most dust particles in your house are made from

DEAD SKIN!

*********************************

The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.

So did the first 'Marlboro Man'.

********************************

Walt Disney was afraid

OF MICE!

*****************************

PEARLS MELT

IN VINEGAR!

***************************

The three most valuable brand names on earth:

Marlboro, Coca Cola,and Budweiser,in that order.

***************************

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...

but, not downstairs.

*******************************

A duck's quack doesn't echo,

and no one knows why.

*******************************

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush

be kept at least six (6) feet away from

a toilet to avoid airborne particles

resulting from the flush.

(I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)

***************************************************

And the best for last....

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

(I know some people like that, don't YOU?)

So.......................

Remember, knowledge is everything, so pass it on...and go move your toothbrush!!!

Safety Tips when there is an earthquake

2010-02-24T06:00:00.000-08:00

Every day, earth is shaken by earthquakes ranging from 2 to 9 intensity. There are drills to prepare the people in case there is an earthquake. Some of these proved to be not safe.

Here are tips when there is an earthquake:

SAFETY TIP - the triangle of life

Triangle of Life: without listening or reading, simply by looking at these photos, you can learn more than in a thousand words about how to protect yourself…
Real Demonstration of the “Triangle of Life”

Left: The triangle of life Right: Wrong area

If you are inside a vehicle, come out and sit or lie down next to it. If something falls on the vehicle, it will leave an empty space along the

sides. See below

The triangle of life:

　躺臥方式 the way of lying down

NEVER　

Smile

2010-02-24T05:58:00.000-08:00

Did you smile a lot today?

Did you forget to smile?

2009-12-25T05:01:00.000-08:00

SNOOTY RECEPTIONIST

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices
with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he
approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large
unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE;
YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very
embarrassed man.

He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, 'NO, I'VE COME

TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT

THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'

The room erupted in applause!

forwarded by bayi

The Mightiest in the jungle

2008-12-12T07:39:00.000-08:00

A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean.

He went out and cornered a small monkey, and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"

The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!"

Later, the lion confronts an ox and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"

The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!"

On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"

Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon.

The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and rambles away.

The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant, "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"

Hardest Thing to Break

2008-12-10T07:44:00.000-08:00

What is the hardest thing to break?

People come up with all kinds of ideas, such as this:

Diamonds are hard to find but not hard to break.

What is the hardest thing to break then?

The answer is: H A B I T

If you break the H, you still have A BIT. If you break the A, you still have BIT. If you break the B, you still have IT .

Hey, after you break the T in IT, there is still the 'I'. The person, at the end of the day, is the root of all the problems. Cute?

Now, I know why HABIT is so hard to break. Its destiny is in its name. The word itself.

Appreciate Each Day

2008-12-08T07:50:00.000-08:00

BEFORE

2008-12-06T07:52:00.000-08:00

Marketing 101

2008-08-30T23:49:00.000-07:00

101 Marketing Concepts

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's DIRECT MARKETING.

2. You are at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very rich. Marry him!"
That's ADVERTISING.

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call her and say, "Hi, I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's TELEMARKETING.

4. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You get up and straighten your tie. You walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her. You pick up her bag after she drops it. You offer her a ride and you say, "By the way, I am very rich. Will you marry me?"
That's PUBLIC RELATIONS.

5. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich. Can you marry me?"
That's BRAND RECOGNITION.

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You walk up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's CUSTOMER FEEDBACK.

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You walk up to her and say, I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband.
That's DEMAND AND SUPPLY GAP.

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You walk up to her and before you can say anything, another person comes along and tells her, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's MARKET COMPETITION.

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You walk up to her and before you can say anything, another person comes along and tells her, "I am very rich. Marry me! And she follows him.
That's LOSING MARKET SHARE.

10. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You walk up to her and before you can say, "I am very rich. Marry me!", YOUR WIFE TURNS UP!
That's BARRIER TO NEW MARKET ENTRY.

Man vs Woman

2008-08-28T23:52:00.000-07:00

Men:

1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the women leaves them.
7. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.

Women:

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something To wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "An old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you.

Forwarded by bayi.

US RECESSION and REBATE

2008-08-26T00:01:00.000-07:00

A Joke on Recession in the US

Here is an interesting comment on the current recession in
USA:

Dr. Marc Faber concluded his monthly bulletin (June 2008)
with the following: ''The federal government is sending
each of us a $600 rebate.

If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to
China. If we spend iton gasoline, it goes to the Arabs. If
we buy a computer, it will go to India .

If we purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico,
Honduras and Guatemala. If we purchase a good car it
will go to Germany.
If we purchase useless crap, it will go to Taiwan and
none of it will help the American economy.

Smart Cat

2008-08-24T01:00:00.000-07:00

Smart cat!
Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time."

I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson.

The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.

It`s serious...

2008-08-22T01:14:00.000-07:00

A well-respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.

"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.

"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"

"Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, three doctors are there already!"

BURJ DUBAI

2008-07-03T00:03:00.000-07:00

BURJ DUBAI- TALLEST BUILDING BY 2008

forwarded by Bayi

AL BURJ

2008-07-03T00:01:00.000-07:00

AL BURJ - THE TALLEST BUILDING WHEN FINISHED

forwarded by bayi

DUBAILAND

2008-07-02T23:59:00.000-07:00

DUBAILAND -twice the size of DISNEYLAND

forwarded by Bayi

DUBAI MALL

2008-07-02T23:56:00.001-07:00

DUBAI MALL-THE LARGEST MALL IN THE WORLD

forwarded by Bayi

SKI DUBAI

2008-07-02T23:54:00.000-07:00

SKI DUBAI-INDOOR SKI FACILITY

Forwarded by bayi

HYDROPOLIS IN DUBAI

2008-07-02T23:52:00.000-07:00

HYDROPOLIS IN DUBAI, THE UNDERWATER HOTEL

THE BURJ AL -ARAB HOTEL

2008-07-02T23:45:00.001-07:00

THE BURJ AL ARAB HOTEL in Dubai , the only seven star hotel?

forwarded by Bayi

The World Islands

2008-07-02T23:45:00.000-07:00

THE WORLD ISLANDS IN DUBAI

forwarded by Bayi

Cat Mothers a Rat

2008-06-17T12:21:00.001-07:00

You must have heard a story of other house pets such as dog adopting a kitten or a cat adopting another kitten but it is rare or weird to hear this story of the cat adopting an orphan rat.

Forwarded by a friend from Malaysia;

Sun Shujun, of Yantai City, says the rat has been living with her cat since the kittens were born four weeks ago.

Sun, 81, says that a neighbour came to see the kittens on the day they were born and was amazed to see a rat suckling alongside them.

"At the beginning, I thought I must have seen wrong. So I took a flashlight and had a clear look," said the neighbour.

The rat not only drinks cat's milk, but also plays with its kitten 'brothers and sisters', according to the Qilu Evening Post.

The cat reportedly treats the rat exactly the same as her natural kittens and it has become part of her family.

Sun reckons her maternal instincts must have overwhelmed her predatory instincts to allow her to adopt an animal she would normally see as prey.

LAUGH AND GET FIRED

2008-06-16T12:25:00.000-07:00

Can you believe this? A woman getting fired because she laughed. Was it because of the way she laguhed or there was already some bad vives between her and her employer?

Darra Kollios, who works at the Trinity Grill in New Port Richey, said her boss approached her in front of a customer with one of the oddest requests she's ever heard.

"I had a customer at the bar and the owner came up to me and said, 'Please stop laughing,' Kollios said. "We giggled -- the guy at the bar and myself. And then I said, 'Are you serious?' And he said, 'Yes, if you laugh again, you will have to go home."

Kollios said she was then fired on the spot.

Kollios said she was shocked by her employer's actions.

"I will say that I don't have an odd laugh," Kollios said. "I did ask a few people but it's not."

The restaurant owner said a customer did not complain about the laughing. However, he prefers the restaurant to be quiet and cozy and Kollios' laugh prevented that from happening.

Under Florida law, employees are considered "at will," which means they may be terminated for any reason as long as they're not under contract and it doesn't involve age, sex or race discrimination.

Black Balls

2008-06-15T12:33:00.000-07:00

Well I did not know this. Do you?

According to Bayi, these black balls are released in the Ivanhoe reservoir in Los Angeles by the Department of Water and Power workers to protect the water from sunlight.

Clever Consultant Cat

2008-06-14T13:18:00.000-07:00

There is a presentation to the clients. The cat came to take a listen. It was late in the meeting.

It took its own seat to be comfortable.

The presentation has begun.

But wait, it has to taste the coffee. So what's the verdict Mr. Cat?

Knitted Kitty

2008-06-13T13:28:00.000-07:00

This picture gives a warm feeling.

Kitty: Meow there. I feel warm enuff. What about you ?

Unusual Sky

2008-06-12T13:34:00.000-07:00

This highly unusual cloud formation was likely formed from the exhaust of a rocket launched from Vandenberg Air Force Base in Southern California roughly an hour before this capture

forwarded by bayi.

Tips on Avoiding Carjacking and Parking Lot Attacks

2008-06-11T04:24:00.000-07:00

Here are useful tips e-mailed to me by a friend.

An ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure.

Warning Signs of Disaster

2008-05-15T04:29:00.000-07:00

Many people believe that animals can sense disaster or calamity beforethey strike. They exhibit odd behavior like these frogs.

On May 5th, many Chinese locals noticed thousands of frogs on the move. They were seen traveling without fear of traffic as they crossed streets in mass floods.

Many Chinese sensed the migration as a bad omen of a coming natural disaster, but the Chinese government told them that it was just a natural migration for the purpose of propagation. This calmed the people and no one took the omen very seriously.

On Monday, 12th of May, at about 2:45pm, central China region recorded a 7.8-magnitude quake which occured near Wenchuan County, Sichuan province, that killed nearly tens of thousands of people.

Robot City

2008-05-13T04:37:00.000-07:00

How do you want to see the future like in the movie AI where robots are manufactured en masse and disposed as they become obsolete and no longer useful. And the boy is so lifelike that he also developed feelings like humans.

The South Korean government plans to build two robot-themed parks close to Seoul—one in the bustling seaport of Incheon and another in Masan—by the year 2013.

The megaproject—the first of its kind on the planet—is estimated to cost a whopping $1.6 billion, and will feature an array of robotic marvels allowing visitors to interact with tomorrow's machines.

According to reports published on the web site Korea.net, the two cities are being developed as futuristic hubs, poised to become the country's Silicon Valley of robotics.

To ensure that the robotics sector continues to see such growth rates, recently, the government drew up what is known as the Robot Ethics Code—a code of ethics that will prevent android abuse by humans as well as the other way round.

It's basically a how-to manual for both robot-makers and robot-users that tells them how to relate to robots.

Innovative Ads

2007-07-14T18:42:00.000-07:00

Billboards literally litter whatever air space we have between the sky and the planet. But there are billboards which are too interesting to give a second glance.
Here they are.

Courtesy of Trosp.

Paint

Cingular

Cough Syrup

Fedex

Energy

Lego

Correcting Fluid

Mr. Clean

Shoes

Stop smoking

Razor

commercial,billboards ads

A Street Show in Japan

2007-07-02T02:05:00.000-07:00

These two women, naked to the waist looks beautiful with their well-sculptured bodies painted with golden color.

Three pairs constituted the street artists. Three women and three men.

A pair had their number.

Three women had their own dance number.

Then they bow after the finale.

artists,
Japan
shows

Chinese and Japanese Tea and Heart Attack

2007-07-01T03:02:00.000-07:00

This is a very good article. Not only about the warm water after your meal,
but about heart attacks . The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their
meals, not cold water, maybe it is time we adopt their drinking habit while
eating.

For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you.
It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold
water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will
slow down the digestion. Once this "sludge" reacts with the acid, it will
break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It
will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to
cancer . It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.
A serious note about heart attacks - You should know that not every heart
attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting. Be aware of intense
pain in the jaw line.
You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart
attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. 60% of people
who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. Pain in the
jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The
more we know, the better chance we could survive.
A cardiologist says if everyone who reads this message sends it to 10
people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life.

Read this & Send to a friend. It could save a life. So, please be a true friend and send this article to all your friends you care about.

tea,
Japanese tea
Chinese tea

The Worlds Towers Then, Now and in the Future

2007-04-21T10:13:00.000-07:00

Rasheed Noor forwarded to me these photos of the world towers.
It took more than a century to surpass the height of the Paris Tower.

Location : Paris
Height : 318 Meters
Floors :
Built : 1887

Location : Dubai
Height : 321 Meters
Floors :
Built : 1999

Location : Shanghai China
Height : 421 Meters
Floors : 88
Built : Built : 1998

Location : Chicago Illinois
Height : 443 Meters
Floors : 110
Built : 1973

Location : Kuala Lumpur Malaysia
Height : 452 Meters
Floors : 88
Built : 1998

Location : Shanghai China
Height : 492 Meters
Floors : 101
To Be Completed : 2007

Location : Taipei Taiwan
Height : 508 Meters
Floors : 101
Built : 2004

Location : Guangzhou, Shanghai China
Height : 514.8 Meters
Floors : 131
To Be Completed : 2010

Location : Tokyo Japan
Height : 600 Meters
Floors : 130
To Be Completed : 2007

Location : WTC Manhattan NY
Height : 541 Meters
Floors : 69
To Be Completed : 2010

Location : Dubai
Height : 705 Meters
Floors : 160
To Be Completed : 2008

Location : Shanghai China
Height : 1228 Meters
Floors : 300
To Be Completed : 2020

world's towers,
World Trade Center
Shanghai

Don'ts after Meal-Advice for Longer Life

2007-04-20T04:57:00.000-07:00

Forwarded by bayi.

It has been the habit of so many to smoke after eating. Now read this.

Don't smoke- Experiment from experts proves that smoking a cigarette after meal is comparable to smoking 10 cigarettes (chances of cancer is higher).

Don't eat fruits immediately - Immediately eating fruits after meals will cause stomach to be bloated with air. Therefore take fruit 1-2 hr after meal or 1hr before meal.

Don't drink tea - Because tea leaves contain a high content of acid. This substance will cause the Protein content in the food we consume to be hardened thus difficult to digest.

Don't loosen your belt - Loosening the belt after a meal will easily cause the intestine to be twisted & blocked.

Don't bathe - Bathing will cause the increase of blood flow to the hands, legs & body thus the amount of blood around the stomach will therefore decrease. This will weaken the digestive system in our stomach.

Don't walk about - People always say that after a meal walk a hundred steps and you will live till 99. In actual fact this is not true. Walking will cause the digestive system to be unable to absorb the nutrition from the food we intake.

Don't sleep immediately - The food we intake will not be able to digest properly. Thus will lead to gastric & infection in our intestine.

cigarette,
tea
advice

Vasectomy the Third

2007-04-19T05:25:00.000-07:00

Forwarded by bayi.

World's population is getting bigger and family planning awareness is a responsibility of the government.

Some newly married friends were visiting us when
the topic of children came up. The bride said she
wanted three children, while the young husband said
two would be enough for him.

They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until
the husband thought he'd put an end to things by
saying boldly, "After our second child, I'll just have a
vasectomy."

Without a moment's hesitation, the bride retorted,
"Well, I hope you'll love the third one as if it's your own."

vasectomy

Flowers From Maple Leaves

2007-04-18T05:32:00.000-07:00

maple leaves,
creativity

Fixing the Problem-Advice from a Kangaroo

2007-04-16T04:52:00.000-07:00

Forwarded by bayi.

When the overlook what really is the problem, they can not get the right solution.

A kangaroo named Joey kept escaping from his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing
that he could hop really high, the zoo officials built a six-foot fence.
However, Skippy was out of his enclosure the next morning, roaming around
the zoo.

A nine-foot fence was put up. But again Joey got out.

When the fence was twenty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked
Joey the kangaroo, "How much higher do you think they'll build it?"

Joey replied, "They could build it half a mile high, but unless somebody
locks the gate at night, I am going to keep getting out of my enclosure."

problem,
solution
cats quotations

Strange Houses

2007-04-15T14:59:00.000-07:00

Forwarded by bayi.

Do you find your house similar to these strange houses? I do. My grandparents house was similar to number seven.

1. House between two rocks. It looks more like a cathedral. What's with that ladder rope?

2. The Castle on a rock. Where's the entrance? Is this Rapunzel's tower?

3. I call this stairway house. I saw one like this in Jet Li's movie filmed in China.
In Tagaytay, you will find similar houses that are designed to follow the rolling terrain of the place.

4. House Hanging from a tree? No way would I be convinced to go inside that house. Ugh.

5. This house is earthquake safe.

6. The Titanic House. No need for centralized airconditioner.

7. The house by the sea.

8. The house in an island. Enjoy the ocean waves.

9. Is this a lighthouse?

10. A tree house for adults.

11. A house on a rock.

Washington Post ,BBC News ,Reuters,technology,business,humor,images ,weird news,jokes,promo+ads,advertisements

Job Interview

2007-04-14T04:56:00.000-07:00

Forwarded by bayi.

The Fastest Thing ...

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job
opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who
were equally qualified.

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.

Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the
interviewer asked:

"What is the fastest thing you know of?"

Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied,

"A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the
way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.
"And now you sir?" he asked the second man.
"Hmm....let me see. A blink!

It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever
happened.
A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye
... that's a very popular cliché for speed."
He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.

"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house
and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch,
way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than
an instant.

TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer
and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of
light" he said.

Turning to the fourth and final man, the interviewer
posed the same question.

It's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is
DIARRHEA."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

"Oh I can explain." said the fourth man.

"You see the other day I wasn't feeling so good and I ran
for the bathroom.

But, before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I
had already sh*t in my pants!"

job+interview

Hair Spray Restores Dead Hare

2007-04-13T16:35:00.000-07:00

Forwarded by bayi

A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny
hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the
Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit.
The basket of eggs went flying all over the place.

The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to
the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny
carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead. The
driver felt guilty and began to cry.

A blonde driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the
road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was
wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and
killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?"

The blonde told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went
to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp,
dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry
animal.

Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the
spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down
the road. 50 yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and
hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned, waved, hopped another 50
yards and waved again!

The man was astonished. He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in
your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?" The
blonde turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said:
"Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."

jokes,
Easter Bunny

WELCOMING IN THE NEIGHBOORHOOD

2007-04-12T16:40:00.000-07:00

Forwarded by bayi

An Englishman went next door to welcome his new Indian neighbor.
He was shocked to see the man from India in his nice backyard chasing ten
chickens around like mad. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to
himself.

Deciding he could put off the welcome till a later date, he went home.

The next day, he decided he was going to welcome the Indian man again.
When he looked through his window, he saw the Indian man urinate
into a cup and drink it." Must be an Indian custom," he thought to
himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till tomorrow, he went on
with other stuff.

The third day, he was determined he had to welcome the Indian man. At
his gate, he saw the Indian man with his ear pressed against a cow's big
fat butt. He became angry and went up to the Indian man.

" I'm sorry sir, I want to wish you a welcome, but I cannot stand your
crazy Indian customs!" He yelled in the Indian man's face.

The Indian man looked confused and answered." Sorry sir, I think you are
mistaken. These are actually English customs.

I was told to be English you have to chase chicks, get piss-drunk, and
listen to bullshit."

English>,
Indians

Truck Advertisements

2007-04-07T04:44:00.000-07:00

Outdoor advertising includes signages on top of cabs and other moving vehicles.
Advertising geniuses revolutionized these media by using 3-d effect to make the ads more eye-catching.

Careful with that bottle.

A big bag of truck

A mobile library for bookworms.

Wow, aquarium in a truck. Cool!!!

Half-filled truck of soda. Not cool!!!

Truck on truck. Which is the front and which the tail? Cool!!!

Hot and spicy that it can burn?

Forwarded by bayi.

Washington Post ,BBC News ,Reuters,technology,business,humor,images ,weird news,jokes,promo+ads,advertisements

Century-old fish found off Alaska

2007-04-06T06:15:00.000-07:00

Forwarded by bayi.

Alaska Fisheries Science Center expert holds a 38in ruler to a giant rockfish
An ear bone containing growth rings helped determine age
A commercial fishing boat has caught what may have been one of the oldest creatures in Alaska - a giant rock-fish thought to be about 100 years old.

The 44in (1.1m), 60lb (27kg) female shortraker rock-fish was hauled in by a Seattle-based vessel, trawling for pollack in the Bering Sea last month.

photocredit AP

Scientists estimate the fish was between 90 and 115 years old.

The fish was brought up from a depth of 2,100ft (640m), south of the Pribilof Islands, AP news agency reported.

Reproductive potential

The discovery was made by the crew of the Kodiak Enterprise, owned by Trident Seafoods, when they pulled up an estimated 75 tons of pollack and 10 rock-fish in March.

Map of Alaska
The huge specimen was handed over to scientists at the Alaska Fisheries Science Center in Seattle where it was measured, photographed and documented.

The age of the fish was determined by removing an ear bone, known as the otolith, which contains growth rings similar to those in tree trunks.

The estimated age was between 90 and 115 years old - which is towards the upper end of the known age limit for the species, said scientist Paul Spencer.

The contents of the rock-fish's stomach were also examined and tissue samples were taken to measure its reproductive potential.

"The belly was large. The ovaries were full of developing embryos," Mr Spencer said.

However, scientists said the specimen was not the biggest - a 47in (1.19m) shortraker rock-fish has been recorded.

humor,Washington Post,BBC News,Reuters,technology,business,humor,images,weird news,jokes

Professional Courtesy

2007-04-05T06:37:00.000-07:00

A violent tropical storm enveloped a sailing yacht off the southern coast of Florida lasting all night and most of the next morning.

As the sky cleared and the seas calmed, the people on the yacht realized they were grounded on a coral reef about a mile from shore in shark infested waters.

Most of those aboard the yacht were badly injured from their ordeal. The only able bodied that were on board were a doctor, a priest, and a lawyer.

The doctor says, "Someone is going to have to swim ashore and get some help. I would volunteer but most of the crew and passengers are in pretty bad shape and I am needed here to care for them."

The priest replies, "I would volunteer to go also but I might be needed to comfort the injured or perform last rights."

The lawyer says, "No problem." He immediately strips off his shirt and dives into the shark infested water. There is a great turbulence in the water and then the doctor and priest notice that all of the sharks have formed a double line from the yacht to the beach allowing the lawyer to swim between them.

"My Goodness," says the priest. "It is a miracle!" The doctor looking at the lawyer swimming to shore says, "No, Father. It is not a miracle. It's professional courtesy.

humor,Washington Post,BBC News,Reuters,technology,business,humor,images,weird news,jokes

Legal Sex Discrimination

2007-04-04T06:40:00.000-07:00

Women complain of discrimination. What about this?

Forwarded by bayi.

humor,Washington Post,BBC News,Reuters,technology,business,humor,images,weird news,jokes

Laws of Project

2007-04-03T01:05:00.000-07:00

forwarded by bayi

Laws of project

humor,Washington Post ,BBC News ,Reuters,technology,business,humor,images ,weird news,jokes

World Bank loan for Porsche ambulances

2007-04-02T00:54:00.000-07:00

forwarded by bayi from Ananova

Bulgaria's cash strapped health ministry is using a World Bank loan to buy a fleet of luxury Porsche Cayennes to serve as ambulances.

Health Minister Radoslav Gaydarski said the 32 four wheel drive vehicles would be used in remote areas where normal vehicles normally could not travel.

He confirmed the cars had been purchased with a loan by the World Bank. The ministry said they had chosen the Porsches after the company offered what he insisted was the lowest bid in a tender offer.

But critics say the claim is rubbish, as each vehicle has a retail price of £80,000.

Locals are outraged by the news and claim the money could have been better spent.

Bulgaria's health sector is millions of pounds in debt and hospitals and clinics often blame a shortage of supplies and services on lack of funds.

humor,Washington Post ,BBC News ,Reuters,technology,business,humor,images ,weird news,jokes

Facts that you might want to know

2007-04-01T03:53:00.000-07:00

Forwarded by bayi.

Interesting Facts

1. Look at your zipper. See the initials YKK? It stands for Yoshida Kogyo Kabushibibaisha, the world's largest zipper manufacturer.
2. A raisin dropped in a glass of freshchampagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
3. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.
4. 40 percent of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
5. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
6. On the average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
7. Chocolate kills dogs! True, chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system. A few ounces is enough to kill a small sized dog.
8. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
9. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as a medicine.

10. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.
11. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
12. There are no clocks in Las Vegas g@mbling casin0s.
13. Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.

14. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to slow a film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.
15. The original name for the butterfly was "flutterby"!
16. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand.
17. Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
18. Dentists recommend that a toothbrush be kept at least six feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

19. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
20. The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
21. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than the entire Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
22. Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
23. The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

24. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that can be typed with only the left hand.
25. To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, prick your fingers into its eyeballs. It will let you go instantly.
26. A mathematical wonder: 111,111,111 multiplied by 111,111,111 gives the result 12, 345, 678, 987, 654, 321.
27. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

28. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
29. The "pound" (#) key on your keyboard is called an octothorp.
30. The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat.
31. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
32. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
33. "Dreamt" is the only word in the English language that ends in "mt".
34. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
35. In Chinese, the KFC slogan "finger lickin' good" comes out as "eat your fingers off".
36. A cockroach can live for 10 days without a head.
37. We shed 40 pounds of skin a lifetime.

38. Yo-Yos were once used as weapons in the Philippines .
39. Coca-Cola can be used as car oil.
40. Mexico City sinks abut 10 inches a year.
41. Brains are more active sleeping than watching TV.
42. Blue is the favorite color of 80 percent of Americans.
43. When a person shakes their head from side to side, he is saying "yes" in Sri Lanka .
44. There are more chickens than people in the world.
45. It's against the law in Iceland to have a dog.
46. The thumbnail grows the slowest, and the middle nail grows the fastest.
47. The only word in the English Language with all vowels in reverse order is "s ub c ont in ent al".
48. There are more telephones than people in Washington, D.C.

DaVinci,Coca-Cola Budweiser,cat

Beware of laced drinks from dates

2007-03-31T05:20:00.000-07:00

Forwarded by bayi.

Many of the spam mails that I receive contain this drug -xanax- being peddled online. I didn't know that this is one of the date rape drugs.

The SF Gate reported about a man jailed for (twice) spiking his lady friends' beer with date rape drugs:

"It looked for all the world as if the couple on a date -- he was darkly handsome and a little older than the pretty, petite blonde with the Russian accent -- were having a great time together.

"A really great time," their waitress, Karri Cormican, recalled thinking. "She was facing him, had one of her legs up on the bench seat." Good body language.

So it came as a shock when after the woman left the window-side table to visit the restroom, Cormican saw the man shake a white powder into the Hefeweizen beer he had ordered for his date.

"Did I really see that?" Cormican asked herself. "Why would he do that? It seemed like they were having fun."
...
Cormican returned to the table and told Szlamnik and his date, whom the court identified only as Tatiana K., then 34, that the woman's beer had come from a fermented keg and that they were going to replace it. Cormican brought her a Stella Artois.

Cormican carried the adulterated Hefeweizen to Bridgeman-Oxley and out of sight into a back room. They held it up to the light and saw, unmistakably, a white powder. At a preliminary hearing last summer, Nikolas Lemos, chief forensic toxicologist at the San Francisco medical examiner's office, identified the powder as zalepron, a prescription sleeping drug sold as Sonata.

After seeing the white powder, Bridgeman-Oxley said she "panicked a little bit. We had to figure out a way to keep her away from this man."

Their chance came when Tatiana went outside to smoke a cigarette. Cormican grabbed the beer with the white powder and followed her. It was a mild night in May 2005 -- the wheels of justice in this case, as one courtroom observer said, have ground exceedingly slowly.

Tatiana was stunned -- she said it was their first date, and they had met at a salsa dancing class only weeks before. Earlier, he had picked her up in his BMW after her classes at City College. "She's a trusting young lady," says David Merin, the assistant district attorney who prosecuted the case.

Cormican had to repeat herself several times before Tatiana absorbed what had happened. And then things got even worse.

The bartender rushed outside to tell the two women that while they had been talking, Szlamnik had dropped two pills into the new beer Tatiana had left behind on the table.

"He did it again," she said.

All three women looked through a window and saw Szlamnik trying to wipe up beer that had foamed over the edge of Tatiana's glass and was fizzing as if there were Alka-Seltzer in it.

In fact, as Dr. Lemos would later testify, the pills were alprazolam, commonly sold as Xanax, a central nervous system depressant prescribed to relieve anxiety. "In combination with alcohol," Lemos testified at the preliminary hearing, the two drugs "are encountered frequently in drug-facilitated sexual assaults ... without giving the victim the chance ... to even realize what's going on."

rape,date

Texas Poll on Illegal Immigration Issue

2007-03-30T05:32:00.000-07:00

The latest poll taken by the office of the Governor of Texas asked
whether people who live in Texas think illegal immigration is a
serious problem:

30% of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem."

70% of respondents answered: "No es una problema serio."

forwarded by bayi.

illegal immigration,poll

Toilet Humor Signs

2007-03-29T05:36:00.000-07:00

Forwarded by bayi.

There are toilet signs which are better understood by the public.
This one is vague although humurous.

These signs mean the same as the instruction above.

They've Nailed It

2007-03-16T12:08:00.000-07:00

Nails grow at an average rate of 0.1mm a day (1 cm every 100 days) Fingernails require 4 to 6 months to regrow completely. Toenails require 12 to 18 months. Actual growth rate is dependent upon age, season, exercise level, and hereditary factors.

So how long do you think these people have grown their nails. How many bottles of nail polish do they consume every week?

photos forwarded by bayi.

nails,nail polish

Hair Culture and Business

2007-03-14T13:23:00.000-07:00

Growing and wearing long hair is a lifestyle practiced by millions worldwide. It was almost universal among women in Western culture until World War I. Many women in conservative Pentecostal groups abstain from trimming their hair after conversion (and some have never had their hair trimmed or cut at all since birth). The social revolution of the 1960s led to a renaissance of unchecked hair growth. Hair length is measured from the front scalp line on the forehead up over the top of the head and down the back to the floor.
source:wikipedia

These women are favorites of hair care products industry.

Metal Animals

2007-03-12T13:40:00.000-07:00

Animal rights advocates would like animals in the zoo released. If this happens, children will have no idea how the animals particularly those from the forests
look like.

How about a metal zoo?

Let's start with simple animals.

Frog

Ostrich

Frog

Fly

Fish

Beetle

photos forwarded by bayi.

metals,frog

Prison Facilities in Austria?

2007-02-16T07:05:00.000-08:00

Bayi forwarded me these pictures indicating that this is a prison facility in Austria.

I just could not believe it.

Just like an aquarium, the walls are made of glass.

The gymn to keep the inmates physically fit.

It looks more like a dorm instead of a prison cell.

The game room to while away hours.

A meeting hall?

The hall

The visiting area

A basketball court

prison,

Are you a vegetarian?

2007-02-15T17:11:00.000-08:00

Bayi sent these pictures with a note, how do you like your vegetables. Whoever did these is really very creative. Salute to you whoever you are.

This is a papaya shaped into a pig. The papaya, also known as mamão, tree melon, fruta bomba, lechosa (Venezuela, Puerto Rico, the Philippines and the Dominican Republic), or pawpaw is the fruit of the tree Carica papaya, in the genus Carica.

The unripe papaya is a favorite vegetable with chicken. It is called tinola in Tagalog. It is also good as "achara". Grated thinly and cooked in vinegar with sugar, and carrot, it is a good appetizer for meat dish.

When ripe, papaya is eaten as fruit.

Eggplant

The eggplant, aubergine, or brinjal (Solanum melongena) is a solanaceous plant bearing a fruit of the same name, commonly used as a vegetable in cooking.

Some of the recipes for eggplant is the bake with parmessan cheese, stew and or boiled with some tomatoes or lemon.

Bokchoy is a member of the Brassica family and is a type of cabbage. It has white stem and dark green leaves and is used in soups and stir-fries, and braised dishes.,

Green Bell Pepper
Bell Pepper is a cultivar group of the species Capsicum annuum. Colors include red, yellow, green and orange.

Orange
Who doesn't know orange?

diabetic recipes,chicken recipes,meat recipes,beef recipes,vegetables recipes,recipes,special diets,low sodium,calories

Praying Mantis Does not Pray for its Prey

2007-02-05T11:18:00.000-08:00

Unelievable!!! When I saw these pictures forwarded to me thru e-mail, I could not believe that the harmless-looking praying stick could eat the spider with its spider web as protection for predator proved useless.

I do not know the source of these pictures, but they fascinated me. It is a waste to send them to the recycle bin. So I made a research about praying mantis and spider.

Here is the spider, seemingly secure in its spider web.
It has constructed web, glistening like polished platinum,with a "come hither" charm.

The construction of the web is done during the night, so the little poor spider must be snoozing waiting for an insect to come by its parlor for breakfast.

This is the praying mantis which obviously has taken the color of the branch to which it was "attached".The praying mantis is sometimes called the dragon because it is a fierce hunter.The female eats the male mantis after mating. Small as it is, it attacks butterflies, bees, beetles, frogs, spiders, mice, lizards, and small birds.

Praying mantis has good eyesight, so it was no wonder that its attention was directed to the sleeping spider.

Spiders have eight eyes, eight legs, two body parts, outside skeletons, and fangs.
The mantis knows how to attack. Before the spider could snare it in a web, it has gotten hold of one of the legs.

The web caught the spider itself, so that its other legs could not free itself from the hold of the mantis.

The praying mantis bites the back of their victim's neck to paralyze it.

Praying mantis' front legs are not for praying but for holding the prey.

humor,Washington Post ,BBC News ,Reuters,spider,praying mantis

Worms

2007-01-17T07:50:00.000-08:00

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol – Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke – Dead

Third worm in chocolate syrup – Dead

Fourth worm in good clean soil – Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation – What can you learn from this demonstration?
Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,
"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms."

sent by polo.

humor,Washington Post ,BBC News ,Reuters,technology,business

Senior Citizens' Blues

2007-01-16T07:48:00.000-08:00

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish.

Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day. The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.

They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady,

"Do you want to go up or down?"

All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat !

When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.

They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river.

He again asked the lady, "Up or down ?"

There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again.

This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day.

She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river, and the elderly gentleman asked, "Up or down?"

The woman replied, "Down."

A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady,"Up or down ?"

She replied, "Up."

This really confused the gentleman so he asked, "What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!"

She replied, "Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were "fuck or drown."

sent by polo.

humor,Washington Post ,BBC News ,Reuters,technology,business

Doctor's Charts--Not

2007-01-15T07:37:00.000-08:00

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one.
-Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
-Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
-Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
-Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered..." Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was still alive."
-Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" " It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste "the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
-Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
-Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY!!!................

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"
She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was " I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
-Dr. wouldn't submit his name.

sent by polo.

humor,Washington Post ,BBC News ,Reuters,technology,business

I Don't Want to go to school

2007-01-14T07:34:00.000-08:00

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"

"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."

"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."

"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"

"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."

"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."

"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"

sent by bayi.

humor,Washington Post ,BBC News ,Reuters,technology,business

When you think you have beaten the man

2007-01-12T07:29:00.000-08:00

Three large, leather-clad bikers entered the truckers' café and walked over to a little old man eating at the counter.

The first biker pushed his cigarette into the man's pie.

The second spat into the man's milk.

The third turned over the old man's plate.

As they laughed and sat down in a booth, the old man stood up from the counter and silently left the diner.

When the waitress came to their booth to take their order, one biker said, "Not much of a man, was he?"

"Not much of a truck driver either," replied the waitress. "He just backed his big rig over three motorcycles!"

sent by bayi.

humor,Washington Post ,BBC News ,Reuters,technology,business

The Risk of Flying

2007-01-11T07:20:00.000-08:00

One guy in the plane got up all of sudden and shouted "HIJACK!" …
The passengers got scared and put their hands up...

HIJACK

From the other end someone shouted "Hi John! "

Sent by bayi.

humor,Washington Post ,BBC News ,Reuters,technology,business

It could have been perfect except

2007-01-10T07:14:00.000-08:00

Just a weeeeeeeee bit!!

"An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

Shortly there after he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them. The farmer simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want."

The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion. "Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed." The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the farmer again asked how things went. "Well,"the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed." The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming,"She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry." So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine.

He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents. "Well," explained the farmer, "She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell...pregnant when you met her."

sent by bayi.

humor,Washington Post ,BBC News ,Reuters,technology,business

Where the "F" word originate

2007-01-09T06:49:00.000-08:00

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future.

This famous weapon was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as "plucking the yew" (or "pluck yew").

Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew! "PLUCK YEW!"

Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually hanged to a labiodental fricative 'F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute!

It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as "giving the bird." IT IS STILL AN APPROPRIATE SALUTE TO THE FRENCH TODAY!

And yew thought yew knew everything!

humor,Washington Post ,BBC News ,Reuters,technology,business

The Wisdom that Comes with Age

2007-01-08T03:18:00.000-08:00

The Wisdom That Comes With Age

The strong young man at the construction site was
bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of
strength. He made a special case of making fun
of one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, the older worker had had
enough. "Why don't you put your money where
your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages
that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to
that building that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the young guy replied.

The old man reached out and grabbed the
wheelbarrow by the handles. Then he turned to
the young man and said, "Alright. Get in."

Wisdom

Tired of Your Job?

2006-12-04T20:05:00.000-08:00

Be careful what you wish for

A man was sick and tired of going to work everyday while his wife stayed home.

He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

" Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.

I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen."

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.

He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids,

Set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches,

Drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners

And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping,

Then drove home to put away the groceries,

Paid the bills and balanced the checkbook.

He cleaned the cat's litter box andbathed the dog.

Then it was already 1 P.M.and he hurried to make the beds,do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.

Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework,

Then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. He was exhausted

And, though his daily chores weren'tfinished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, Lord,

I don't know what I was thinking. Iwas so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned

your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.

You'll just have to wait nine months though. You just got pregnant last night ."

job,
pregnant
humor

Breaking the World Record?

2006-12-03T10:27:00.000-08:00

Men like to outdo one another. That is why they try to break the existing world record. When I say men, that includes young boys.

Forwarded by bayi.

record,
humor

A Real Cowboy-Gender Issue?

2006-12-02T10:22:00.000-08:00

A Real Cowboy

An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

lesbian,
cowboy
humor

Performance Evaluation

2006-12-01T10:17:00.000-08:00

A blonde got a job with the Public Works Department. She was to paint lines down the center of a rural road. The supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she must stay at or above the set average of 2 miles per day to remain employed.

The blonde agreed to the conditions and starts right away. The supervisor, checking up at the end of the day, found the blonde had completed 4 miles on her first day, double the average!!

"Great," he told her, "I think you're really going to work out."

The next day, however, he was disappointed to find that the blonde only accomplished 2 miles. The supervisor thought, "Well she's still at the average and I don't want to discourage her, so I'll just keep quiet."

The third day however the blonde only did one mile and the boss thought,
"I need to talk to her before this gets any worse."

The boss pulled the new employee in and says, "You were doing so great. The first day you did 4 miles, the second day 2 miles, but yesterday you only did one mile. Why? Is there a problem? An injury, equipment failure? What's keeping you from
meeting the 2 mile minimum?"

The blonde replied,"Well, each day I keep getting farther and farther away from the bucket."
humor,
performance evaluation

The Blond Farmer's Problem

2006-11-30T10:12:00.000-08:00

There was this blonde farmer who had these two horses that she couldn't tell apart.

She went to her neighbor and asked if he had any ideas to help her.

The neighbor told her to trim part of one horse's tails so one would be shorter than the other.

The blonde thanked her neighbor and went home. She trimmed one of the tails, and she could tell her horses apart now, until one day when the other horse got his tail caught in the fence.

Now the blonde had a problem because she couldnt tell the horses apart again. So she went back to her neighbor and asked him what she could do.

Her neighbor said to trim one of the horse's ears.

The blond thanked her neighbor again and went home. Then she trimmed one of her horse's ears. Now he could tell them apart. Until one day when the other horse go its ear caught in the fence.

Now the blond was stuck. So she went back to her neighbor. Her neighbor suggested that she measure her horses.

The blond thanked her neighbor once again and went home.

It turns out, that the black horse is two inches taller then the white horse,.

horse,
blond
humor

The Baptism

2006-11-29T10:07:00.000-08:00

Forwarded by polo.

Three little Boys were concerned
because they couldn't get anyone to play with them.
They decided it was because they had not been Baptized
and didn't go to Sunday School.

So they went to the nearest Church.

But, only the Janitor was there.

One little Boy said,
"We need to be baptized
because no one will come out and play with Us.
Will You baptize Us?"
"Sure," said the Janitor.

He took them into the bathroom
and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl,
one at a time.
Then He said, "You are now Baptized!".

" When they got outside,
one of them asked,
"What religion do You think We are?"

The oldest one said,

"We're not Kathlick, ......because they pour the water on You."
"We're not Babtis, .because they dunk all of You in the water."
"We're not Methdiss, .....because they just sprinkle water on You."

The littlest one said,
"Didn't you smell that water!"

They all joined in asking,
"Yeah! What do You think that means?"

"I think it means we're Pisscopailians.

Baptist,
Catholics
humor

Loving Couple

2006-11-28T10:03:00.000-08:00

Loving Couple

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.
The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice.
He said, "Father, I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage. I love my fiancée, very much, but you see,I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my future wife will be put off by them."

"No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed."

Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up her mom. She said, "Mom, when I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful."

"Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning."

"No, you don't understand. My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my new husband will not want to sleep in the same room with me."

Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth. Not a word," Well, she thought it was certainly worth a try.

The loving couple were finally married in a beautiful ceremony. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about 6 months
later.

Shortly before dawn, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, woke his bride and without thinking, she immediately asks,
"What on earth are you doing?"

"Oh, no!" he gasped in shock, "You've swallowed my sock!"

wedding,
bride
humor

Martha Stewart Wanted

2006-11-27T09:59:00.000-08:00

Martha Stewart wanted

This woman walked in her house and her husband was sitting on the couch watching football.

She asked him "Honey, could please change the lightbulb?"

He said "Does it look like i have A.C.E written on my forehead?"

She said "That's ok, could you please fix the fridge door?" and he said

"Does it look like I have General Electric written on my forehead?"

Then she asks "Honey could you please fix the steps, they are about to fall through" And then he said "Does it look like I am a carpenter" and so then she is mad and he leaves and goes to a bar.

When he gets back, he notices that everythings is fixed and he says "Honey how did you fix everything"

She said "I was sitting on the porch crying and a man came up and said what's wrong, and I told him the story and he said I will fix everything if you either sleep with me or bake me a cake"

and her husband said "Well what kind of cake did you bake him?" and she said

"Does it look like I have Betty Crocker written on my forehead?"

Martha Stewart,
Betty Crocker
humor

The Blind Men and the Elephant

2006-11-26T09:55:00.000-08:00

The Blind Men and the Elephant

John Godfrey Saxe's ( 1816-1887) version of the famous Indian legend,

It was six men of Indostan
To learning much inclined,
Who went to see the Elephant
(Though all of them were blind),
That each by observation
Might satisfy his mind.

The First approached the Elephant,
And happening to fall
Against his broad and sturdy side,
At once began to bawl:
"God bless me! but the Elephant
Is very like a wall!"

The Second, feeling of the tusk
Cried, "Ho! what have we here,
So very round and smooth and sharp?
To me `tis mighty clear
This wonder of an Elephant
Is very like a spear!"

The Third approached the animal,
And happening to take
The squirming trunk within his hands,
Thus boldly up he spake:
"I see," quoth he, "the Elephant
Is very like a snake!"

The Fourth reached out an eager hand,
And felt about the knee:
"What most this wondrous beast is like
Is mighty plain," quoth he;
"'Tis clear enough the Elephant
Is very like a tree!"

The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear,
Said: "E'en the blindest man
Can tell what this resembles most;
Deny the fact who can,
This marvel of an Elephant
Is very like a fan!"

The Sixth no sooner had begun
About the beast to grope,
Than, seizing on the swinging tail
That fell within his scope.
"I see," quoth he, "the Elephant
Is very like a rope!"

And so these men of Indostan
Disputed loud and long,
Each in his own opinion
Exceeding stiff and strong,
Though each was partly in the right,
And all were in the wrong!

Moral:

So oft in theologic wars,
The disputants, I ween,
Rail on in utter ignorance
Of what each other mean,
And prate about an Elephant
Not one of them has seen!

elephant,
blind
humor

The Organist

2006-11-25T08:39:00.000-08:00

The Organist

There was a church down in Southwest Texas that had a
very big-busted organist. Her breasts were so huge that
they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.
Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably.

The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said
something had to be done about this or they would have
to get another organist.

One of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told
her to mash up some green persimmons, and rub them
on her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but
warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons though
because they are so sour, they will make your mouth
pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a while.
She agreed to try it.

The following Sunday morning the minister got up on the
pulpit and said............. "Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond
my contwol, we will not hath a thermon tewday."

minister,
organist
humor

The Worried Wife

2006-11-24T08:35:00.000-08:00

The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with
relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" she said.
"What kind of a day are you having?"

"Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such
a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't
had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I
have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed
to have two couples to dinner tonight."

The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she
said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour.
I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you.
I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house
to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In
fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home
and help out for once."

"George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?"

"Why, George! Your husband!....Is this 223-1374?

"No, this is 223-1375."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."

There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not
coming over?"
wife,
mother
humor

Women and Mafia

2006-11-23T08:30:00.000-08:00

Fwdedbybayi.

Q. Why are women worse than the mafia?

A: The mafia demands money or your life; women want both.
============================================================

A 60 year-old couple was celebrating their 40 years of marriage. During the celebration a fairy appeared!

"Because you have been such a loving couple all those years, I would like to give you each one wish."

The wife quickly chimed in,"I want to travel around the world."

The fairy waved her wand and, POOF! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly,
"Well, I'd like to have a wife 30 years younger than me."

The fairy picked up her wand and...

POOF!... He was 90!
============================================================
What does a woman and a tornado have in common?

You can hear them both coming and they both take the house when they leave!
==============================================================
John and Lorraine had been dating each other for years and were getting bored of each other. They became like a married couple, nagging and sarcasm in all their conversations.

One day John met a girl named Cleary. She was pretty, smart and funny and John longed to break up with Lorraine and date Cleary but he couldn't.

Then one day Lorraine was walking along the side of a river when she fell in and drowned.

When John heard the news he was so happy he sang "I can see Cleary now, Lorraine is gone!"

Mafia,
women
humor

Sister, Got Milk?

2006-11-22T22:26:00.000-08:00

Sister, Got Milk?

There once was a 94-year-old nun in the 1890's whose worn-out body began to surrender. Her doctor prescribed for her a shot of whiskey three times a day, to relax her.

However, not to be lured into worldly pleasures, she huffily declined. But her mother superior knew the elderly sister loved milk. So she instructed the kitchen to spike the milk three times a day.

Eventually, the elderly pious one approached her final hour. As several sisters gathered around her at bedside, the mother superior asked if she wanted to leave them any words of wisdom.

"Oh, yes," she replied. "Never sell that cow!"

humor,Washington Post ,BBC News ,milk,technology,business

Sipping Vodka and the Priest's Homily

2006-11-20T22:22:00.000-08:00

Sipping Vodka and the Priest's Homily

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After the mass, he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous, on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday, he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciplines, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the "late JC".
7. The Father, Son and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T".
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper, he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry".
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peters not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

humor,Washington Post ,BBC News ,Reuters,technology,business,vodka,priest

Fishing License

2006-11-18T22:18:00.000-08:00

Fishing License

Something to cheer those who felt discouraged by the recent revelations of a 30+ % bumi equity ownership:
A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels. After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him. "Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!" the Warden gasped.
With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license. "Well, son," said the Game Warden, "you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!" "Yes, sir," replied the young guy, "but my friend back there, well, he don't have one."

Forwarded by bayi

humor,Washington Post ,BBC News ,Reuters,technology,business

Food for Thought-The Power of Prayers and the Tavern Owner

2006-11-16T22:13:00.000-08:00

Food for Thought-The Power of Prayers and the Tavern Owner

The story is told of a man who got a permit to open the first tavern in a small town. The members of a local church were strongly opposed to the bar, so they began to pray that God would intervene.

A few days before the tavern was scheduled to open, lightning hit the structure and it burned to the ground. The people of the church were surprised but pleased- until they received notice that the would-be tavern owner was suing them.

He contended that their prayers were responsible for the burning of the building. They denied the charge.

At the conclusion of the preliminary hearing, the judge wryly remarked:

"At this point I don't know what my decision will be, but it seems that the tavern owner believes in the power of prayer and these church people don't."

Forwarded by bayi.

humor,Washington Post ,BBC News ,Reuters,technology,business

Special Offer for the Week, Three for $5

2006-11-14T05:04:00.000-08:00

Rabbi In A Confession

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few minutes a woman comes in and says "Father forgive me for I have sinned." The priest asks "What did you do?". The woman says "I committed adultery." Priest: "How many times?" Woman: "Three times." Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more." A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says "Father forgive me for I have sinned." Priest: "What did you do?" Man: "I committed adultery." Priest:"How many times?" Man: "Three times." Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's put $5 in the box and go and sin no more." The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it so the priest leaves. A few minutes later another woman enters and says "Father forgive me for I have sinned." Rabbi: "What did you do?" Woman: "I committed adultery." Rabbi: "How many times?" Woman: "Once." Rabbi: "Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for $5."

rabbi,
Jews

Religious Mother

2006-11-11T23:30:00.000-08:00

Forwarded by bhayi.

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee.

The first Catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him, "Your Grace."

The third Catholic mother says, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Eminence."

Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the first three women give her this subtle, "Well?"

So she replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2", hard-bodied dancer. When he walks into a room, people say, "Oh my God!"

humor,religious ,Catholic,

Land of Penguins (Corporate Culture)

2006-10-12T04:14:00.000-07:00

forwarded by bhayi

A Peacock in the Land
of Penguins

Adapted from a book by

BJ Gallagher Hateley & Warren H. Schmidt

There once was a time,
in the not so distant past,
when penguins ruled many lands
in the Sea of Organisations.

These penguins were not always wise,
they were not always popular,
but they were always in charge.

The top management wore the same outlook in their distinctive black and white suits.

They believed that uniformity is
the way to do things;
Uniformity is Unity.

On the other hand, worker birds wore colours and outfits that reflected their work and lifestyles.

Birds who aspired to move up
the corporate ladder were encouraged
to adopt the penguins’ code of conduct
and wear the penguin suits.

They learn the penguin stride and
follow the example of their leaders.

One day, Perry the peacock joined
the Land of Penguins.

He was loud, colourful and
full of new ideas.

Although he was different,
the penguins were impressed by his new ideas. They felt that he has real Penguin Potential.

Initially, everyone was happy.

The penguins were pleased
with their new recruit.

Perry was creative and
he brought in good results.
=

However, as time went by,
the penguins began to murmur against Perry.

He was too loud, too colourful
and had too many new ideas
that intruded the penguins’ comfort zone.

Too colourful

Too Loud!

Too many

new ideas!

We are NOT

comfortable!

Perry was also unhappy.
The penguins tried to turn him into a penguin.

He was told to “try to be like the rest of us,
wear a penguin suit”.

Both parties were unhappy.

Be like us!

Wear a penguin

suit!

Leave me alone...

We see this story unfolds
in many organisations today.

Creativity and innovation are seen to be
“a breath of fresh air” in many organisations.

Many “Perrys” are recruited for their creativity. Yet, along the way, their creativity is stifled by
the need to conform to the norm.

Other than penguins and peacocks,
there are also pigeons who are
peacemakers in the office,

Sparrows who try to be neutral
so as to keep a low profile or

Ostriches who choose to
bury their heads in the sand.

There will always be Penguins and Peacocks in any organisations.

Peacocks bring in varieties
and new ideas,
But, the stability provided by
the penguins must not be ignored.

Penguins,
being the backbone of the organisation,
need to recognise that
diversity can exist in an organisation
if there is acceptance and trust.

When we learn to appreciate
one another’s differences,
we become more willing to listen,
more open to new ideas and
more eager to grow.

Birds of different feathers
can work together in harmony.

The End...

corporate+structure,corporate culture

No Check Payments Please

2006-10-04T11:00:00.000-07:00

Sent by Bhayi

A very wealthy man, old and desperately ill, summons to his bedside his three closest advisors: his doctor, his priest, and his lawyer. '-I know, -' he says, 'they say 'you can't take it with you.' But who knows? Suppose they're mistaken. I'd like to have something with me, just in case. So I am giving each of you an envelope containing one hundred thousand dollars and I would be grateful if at my funeral you would put the envelopes in my coffin, so that if it turns out that it's useful, I'll have something.' They each agree to carry out his wish. Sure enough, after just a few weeks, the old man passes away. At his funeral, each of the three advisors is seen slipping something into the coffin. After the burial, as the three are walking away together, the doctor turns to the other two and says, '-Friends, I have a confession to make. As you know, at the hospital we are desperate because of the cutbacks in funding. Our CAT SCAN machine broke down and we haven't be able to get a new one. So, I took $20, 000 of our friend's money for a new CAT SCAN and put the rest in the coffin as he asked.-'

At this the priest says, '-I, too have a confession to make. As you know, our church is simply overwhelmed by the problem of the homeless. The needs keep increasing and we have nowhere to turn. So I took $50, 000 from the envelope for our homeless fund and put the rest in the coffin as our friend requested.-'

Fixing the other two in his gaze, the lawyer says '-I am astonished and deeply disappointed that you would treat so casually our solemn undertaking to our friend. I want you to know that I placed in his coffin my personal check for the full one hundred thousand dollars.-'

humor,check

Exciting Period

2006-10-01T11:23:00.000-07:00

Exciting period
A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

"It's a period," said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that," she said, "but what is so exciting about a period?"

"Damned if I know," said the little boy, "but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

(forwarded by bhayi)

humor,Washington Post ,BBC News ,

Bacteria on Purses

2006-09-30T23:21:00.000-07:00

From Polo

A study was performed on women's purses. A health team went to a local mall and took samples from the bottom of 50 women's purses. The purses were swabbed with cotton swabs along the entire bottom of the purses and placed into special containers. The swabs were then processed at a local laboratory.

The Health Report also showed where women place their purses: public rest-rooms (on the floor beside the toilet), kitchen counters & kitchen tables, on tables & chairs in restaurants, etc. The results of the laboratory tests contained the following most serious result: 1 out of 4 purses — E COLI

Other extremely serious bacteria also were listed, including Hepatitis.

They recommended that women should DAILY wipe their purses (particularly the bottom) with a disinfectant wipe and to be extremely careful where you sit your purse. Most important, do NOT place your purse on a table (anywhere) where you will eat or on a kitchen counter and do not put it anywhere close to a toilet.

Remember, when you flush a toilet, the spray goes a distance that is unrecognizable by the human eye.

WASH YOUR HANDS as often as you can! Keep an antibacterial hand sanitizer cleaner (no water needed) in your purse and use it often! And as soon as you get home from shopping (or wherever you have been and used your purse), immediately wipe it all over with a disinfectant wipe.

This is from me — MEN who do not wash their hands after relieving themselves should be ASHAMED! Not only that, they are seriously affecting your health and their own. My husband has told me many, many times (over 50% ratio) that he has seen men in public rest-rooms relieve themselves, zip up, and immediately leave the rest-room without washing their hands!! Women get on your men and be sure they are washing thoroughly after using the rest-room.

My hubby also noted that everyone spends all this time washing their hands and then grabs the door handle to exit the rest-room. So DAH! All those other folks who did NOT wash their hands have their germs all over the door handle! And I have seen many women who do NOT wash their hands after using the rest-room. So, use that paper towel you dried your hands on to open the door and then dispose of it in the closest waste receptacle (women, please do not put it in your purse!).

Repeating, this is a factual report aired today on Health News, Fox 5, Atlanta, GA. Please do your part for yourself and everyone else! As soon as I saw the report, I immediately cleaned my purse with my Clorox Antibacterial Wipe and then set it on a paper towel where I normally place it on a table in our den. And I asked my hubby to PLEASE scold me if he ever saw me putting my purse on the kitchen table or counter again!

humor,purses ,bacteria ,

Story: 7 Wonders of the World

2006-09-29T23:22:00.000-07:00

From Bayi

A group of students was asked to list what they thought were the present "Seven Wonders of the World." Though there were some disagreements, the following received the most votes:

1. Egypt's Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter's Basilica
7. China's Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noticed that one quiet student hadn't turned in her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many."

The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help."

The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the 'Seven Wonders of the World' are:

1. to see
2. to hear
3. to touch
4. to taste
5. to feel
6. to laugh
7. and to love."

The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.

The things we overlook as simple and ordinary and that we take for granted are truly wondrous! A gentle reminder - that the most precious things in life cannot be built by hand or bought by man.

humor,worldt

The Pregnant Lady

2006-09-19T00:59:00.000-07:00

Forwarded by bhayi

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.
She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are coming!" and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.
BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said,
"Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"... I just lost it."

Goodyear, humor

Lip Prints on the Mirror

2006-09-18T05:34:00.000-07:00

Forwarded by bayi

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington
recently was faced with a unique problem.

A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would
put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal
decided that something had to be done.

She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for
the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort as required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the
mirror.

There are teachers, and then there are educators!!!!!

humor,teachers ,educators

Google Office

2006-09-14T14:38:00.000-07:00

Bhayi forwarded this to me including the pics. All I can say is wow, wow, and wow. Lucky these employees.

Cognizant of the importance of the employees' break to destress, the couches are everywhere where people can lie down when they need to and take a break.

Meetings are informal. They van be in the corridor or pool table.

Pets are welcomed.

There's a rule within Google: that there must be food within 100 feet of every employee.

The workspace expresses the individuality of the occupant.

There are games.

Whiteboards are for great ideas or not so great.

Free food.

There's also a free laundry room for use for the staff.

Google