Vasectomy the Third

Forwarded by bayi.

World's population is getting bigger and family planning awareness is a responsibility of the government.

Some newly married friends were visiting us when
the topic of children came up. The bride said she
wanted three children, while the young husband said
two would be enough for him.

They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until
the husband thought he'd put an end to things by
saying boldly, "After our second child, I'll just have a
vasectomy."

Without a moment's hesitation, the bride retorted,
"Well, I hope you'll love the third one as if it's your own."

vasectomy

Job Interview

Forwarded by bayi.

The Fastest Thing ...

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job
opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who
were equally qualified.

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.

Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the
interviewer asked:

"What is the fastest thing you know of?"

Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied,

"A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the
way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.
"And now you sir?" he asked the second man.
"Hmm....let me see. A blink!

It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever
happened.
A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye
... that's a very popular cliché for speed."
He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.

"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house
and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch,
way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than
an instant.

TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer
and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of
light" he said.

Turning to the fourth and final man, the interviewer
posed the same question.

It's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is
DIARRHEA."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

"Oh I can explain." said the fourth man.

"You see the other day I wasn't feeling so good and I ran
for the bathroom.

But, before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I
had already sh*t in my pants!"

job+interview

Hair Spray Restores Dead Hare

Forwarded by bayi

A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny
hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the
Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit.
The basket of eggs went flying all over the place.

The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to
the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny
carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead. The
driver felt guilty and began to cry.

A blonde driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the
road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was
wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and
killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?"

The blonde told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went
to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp,
dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry
animal.

Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the
spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down
the road. 50 yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and
hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned, waved, hopped another 50
yards and waved again!

The man was astonished. He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in
your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?" The
blonde turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said:
"Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."

jokes,
Easter Bunny

WELCOMING IN THE NEIGHBOORHOOD

Forwarded by bayi

An Englishman went next door to welcome his new Indian neighbor.
He was shocked to see the man from India in his nice backyard chasing ten
chickens around like mad. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to
himself.

Deciding he could put off the welcome till a later date, he went home.

The next day, he decided he was going to welcome the Indian man again.
When he looked through his window, he saw the Indian man urinate
into a cup and drink it." Must be an Indian custom," he thought to
himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till tomorrow, he went on
with other stuff.

The third day, he was determined he had to welcome the Indian man. At
his gate, he saw the Indian man with his ear pressed against a cow's big
fat butt. He became angry and went up to the Indian man.

" I'm sorry sir, I want to wish you a welcome, but I cannot stand your
crazy Indian customs!" He yelled in the Indian man's face.

The Indian man looked confused and answered." Sorry sir, I think you are
mistaken. These are actually English customs.

I was told to be English you have to chase chicks, get piss-drunk, and
listen to bullshit."

English>,
Indians

Professional Courtesy

A violent tropical storm enveloped a sailing yacht off the southern coast of Florida lasting all night and most of the next morning.

As the sky cleared and the seas calmed, the people on the yacht realized they were grounded on a coral reef about a mile from shore in shark infested waters.

Most of those aboard the yacht were badly injured from their ordeal. The only able bodied that were on board were a doctor, a priest, and a lawyer.

The doctor says, "Someone is going to have to swim ashore and get some help. I would volunteer but most of the crew and passengers are in pretty bad shape and I am needed here to care for them."

The priest replies, "I would volunteer to go also but I might be needed to comfort the injured or perform last rights."

The lawyer says, "No problem." He immediately strips off his shirt and dives into the shark infested water. There is a great turbulence in the water and then the doctor and priest notice that all of the sharks have formed a double line from the yacht to the beach allowing the lawyer to swim between them.

"My Goodness," says the priest. "It is a miracle!" The doctor looking at the lawyer swimming to shore says, "No, Father. It is not a miracle. It's professional courtesy.

humor,Washington Post,BBC News,Reuters,technology,business,humor,images,weird news,jokes

The CEO means business

Forwarded by bayi.

The Last Laugh
A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. This new boss was a real hardass , who was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
One day, while on a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to do something, to let them know that he meant business!
The new CEO stormed up to the guy, leaning against the wall, and asked,"How much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young fellow looked at him and replied, "I make $300 a week. Why?"
The CEO then handed the guy $1,200 in cash and screamed, "Here's four weeks' pay, now GET YOUR LAZY ASS OUT OF HERE, and don't come back."
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did around here?"
From across the room came a voice, "He's the Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."

humor,jokes