New Financial Jargon

Bull Market: - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market: - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex.
Momentum Investing: - The fine art of buying high and selling low.
Value Investing: - The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E ratio: - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the Market keeps crashing.
Broker: - Poorer than you were last year.
Buy, Buy: - A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.
Standard & Poor: - Your life in a nutshell.
Stock Analyst: - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Stock split: - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
Financial Planner: - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
Market Correction: - The day after you buy stocks.
Cash Flow: - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
Day Trader: - Someone who is disloyal from 9-5.
Institutional Investor: - Past year investor who is now locked up in a nut house.
Enron, Worldcom also created these new terms:-
EBITDA - Earnings before I tricked the dumb auditor
EBIT - Earnings before irregularities and tempering.
CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO - Chief Fraud Officer
NAV - Normal Andersen valuation
EPS - Eventual prison sentence.

humor